Transcript
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Before we get started, we just want to let you know about a few ways you can support our Grassroots
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slash No Bad Reviews Pod. And you can buy merch at our website, NoBadReviewsPodcast.com.
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Thank you and enjoy this episode. Hello and welcome to No Bad Reviews colon
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a coffee podcast. This is a podcast where three friends, co-workers and coffee industry
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professionals get together every other week and tell you a little something about this world we
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live in using coffee as our inspiration. I'm Jenny and I run the operations at a coffee company.
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I'm Marcus. I'm a good food award winning coffee roaster and mushroom hunter.
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Oh, right. Successful mushroom hunter and ramp hunter now too. Well, he is being just for the
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record for anybody who wants to come at him about ramps. He is being a responsible and ethical
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ramp harvester only the tops. That's good. I was about to come at him. I know Marcus told me that
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you were about to come at him. I was like, you didn't pull those. Did you? No, I want them for
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everybody for future generations. Although I guess you can take up to 10% of a area. I heard. I don't
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know if that's true. That's spread any inf... Don't take anything. Well, that would actually be bad
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because if somebody shows up to a field and takes 10% and the next person that shows up and takes
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10% and then that just keeps going. No, you take a handful for yourself to eat because they're so
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powerful. Like you don't need more than a handful. You know, just cut out what I just said. I'll cut
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it all out. You know, people listening can cut that out, cut that out yourself and save Marcus
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some work. Yeah. Cut that out of your brain. Right. It's like a courtroom where the lawyer says,
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strike that from the record. Tiger meat is delicious. What? Anyways. I'm Stephanie and I'm
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the alpha of the month at a place called Mattis Coffee. I can't be an alpha. I'm a girl. Oh,
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is that... That's it? Is that what we're learning about today? Is that what it is? I mean, I'm... I
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guess if all the men were dead, there could maybe be an alpha female, but... One.
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Before, I wanted to wait until we were recording, until we had this conversation, but I want to
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have kind of a serious conversation. I don't know if we should say the name of the coffee brand.
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We are having a coffee that is marketed to alpha males today. And both of you, I don't know if you
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know this, you both came to me individually and said, are you really sure you want to do this?
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Huh. And within the last couple of days, I learned some things about the company that make me wonder
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if... Do we want to give someone a platform if they're... I mean, I don't want to give away too
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much of the episode, but I feel like maybe we should discuss the company, learn about the company,
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learn about the founder, and then decide if we want to actually say the name of the coffee company
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or just not say it at all ever. That's so funny. You know, because it's going to be an interesting
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conversation. I don't want to give it a bad review either. Well, let's say... How are you going to give it a no bad review?
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Also, I do. I think that's a great point though, that nobody knows about our secret and our workings
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about how we choose our coffees. I guess we could just point out really quickly that we do try not
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to give people who totally suck a platform. That's correct. This company is a little more
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modern and in your face with who they are. And I think it's possible that we're going to get
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through this episode and not have a problem saying the name of the company, but I'm a little
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uncertain myself. And so, I don't know, if you guys are comfortable with that, that's how I think we should proceed.
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So I feel like we've all been properly warned. Take us back. How did we settle here?
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How did we find this coffee? That was my... I was going to say better half. I think other half is more appropriate.
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Jason. Jason excitedly... Your equal half? Yeah. My equal half. Yeah, there we go. The alpha male of our household.
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It's Sparky. That's actually true. The fucking chihuahua.
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Jason very excitedly texted me in the middle of the day, which doesn't often happen because we have
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weird schedules, but he was like, oh my God, have you seen this website? And it was the website for
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this alpha male coffee. And we are going to talk at great length about the website because it's so funny.
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I mean, anything that ends with dot crypto, I mean, it's going to be a vibe. The thing I'd like to know
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now, now that I know what I know about the company, why the fuck was this being marketed to Jason?
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Like, what was he looking at? I assume it was some basic hetero porn, but I'd like to know.
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So Jason sends you the link. Alpha male coffee. And we are going to go... Jason, write in, tell us.
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What is in his search history that he's getting ads for alpha male coffee? For real.
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Boobs. The first note in my notebook is read entire website aloud.
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It is not a very wordy website. This is reminiscent of the energy drink coffee.
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You know what? I was going to pull out words. That was my plan. I'm going to go through the
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homepage and just pull out words. And then I realized I was pulling out every fucking word.
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Every word of this is pure gold. Oh man. Okay. Accelerate your grind. This is the first thing
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it says. Man, this is already getting me hot and bothered. Life is too short to be average.
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This coffee is for free thinkers that know it's possible to create your own reality.
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Develop your body, ignite your genius. There are no limits. Okay. Then there's a shop button. And
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then break the simulation. There is a lot of talk about the matrix and the simulation.
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This website is saying that? On the Instagram page. Break the simulation is the header here
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for this next paragraph. Okay. And I will later in the episode tell you how to break out of the
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matrix according to the founder of the company. So stay tuned for that. This sounds like kind of
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maybe needs like psychiatric help, maybe? He's got some big ideas. Also, if you drink wine in
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an empty stomach, that'll get you out of the matrix too. Anyways, but I digress. Break the
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simulation for those that embrace the grind, creators, entrepreneurs, business owners. Hey,
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that's us. Let's do it. This coffee's for us. We're on our way. Hey, we've already broken the
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simulation, I guess. You kind of have. Have we? Investors, builders, hedge fund managers. Of course.
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Of course. The origination of this brand was for you.
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This is for the operators that live life on their own terms. Wait, let me just stop for a second.
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I'm wondering to myself, is this like them trying to do some Google search SEO? And they're like,
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okay, who's thinking, I got to find those people who are searching hedge fund coffee.
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Right. Hedge fund was like a really fun thing. That was hilarious. I laughed out loud when I heard.
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Coffee for hedge fund managers. I found it. I'm looking. That's my niche.
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This is for the business owners that can travel and work from anywhere. Oh, sorry, you guys. Not
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actually for you after all. Okay, so we were just... The Venn diagram, they just keep adding circles
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and we just got excluded. Yeah. This is for those that double down on themselves every single day.
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The grind propels society forward. Brew your coffee, eliminate distractions, and lock all the way
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in. Are you sold yet? I'm like raging hard on right now for coffee. I'm fucking scared.
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And then there's a list of four values. These are not the values of the company. These are
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the values that they expect their customers to have. Oh, okay. Sure. These are your values.
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Yes. These are your values if you want to drink this coffee. That's right. This feels like a job
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interview where they have listed of like the things that you care about. Those are like the worst,
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like the jobs that have like the place you definitely don't want to work. Say, this is what
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you care about. Right. You're a hard worker. You love going hard and partying even harder.
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You want to come in on the weekends. Okay. Your values should be, number one, take ownership of
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your life. I mean, I think I got that pretty down. Yeah. Okay. So far we got one point,
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one quarter of the way to being a drinker. Number two, I feel like this is the best thing on the
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entire website, eliminate toxic emotions. Fuck yes. The alpha males, will you please eliminate
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your toxic emotions? I 100% agree. No more toxic. But wait, wait, wait. I guess I want to know,
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how do they define a toxic emotion? Because some people think like feeling sad is toxic
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and some people think being an asshole is toxic. I know the answer. I know the answer.
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All of them, just all are toxic. Just take out all emotions. No emotion. No emotion.
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Gotcha. I'm glad you're here to explain that because there's no explanation of any of these
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anywhere on the website. And number three is especially confusing, maintain long-term time
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preference. Do you feel you're able to do that? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Maintain long-term time
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preference. This doesn't connect with you guys? Is this one of those things where like my kids
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play video on YouTube and like, you can't hear that? You're joking or you're not joking? No,
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okay. You are joking? No, I'm serious. What is the time preference? Like I prefer- Modest coffee is
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not built for next quarter. Modest coffee is built for the next 500 quarters. Is that what you're
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talking about? Long-term thinking. Okay, Steph, you know, that's because we didn't go to college.
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It's because you don't have penises. And because we didn't work.
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I went to college briefly. I went to college briefly. And I would argue that I have worked
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some, but it's not the kind of hard work that many- It's not the kind of work where you talk
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about quarters. That's right. I certainly don't. Hedge fund manager mentality, ladies. Come on.
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Time preference? Get it together. Wait, wait. Long-term. Wait, eliminate long-term time
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preference? Maintain long-term. Oh, maintain. I'm sorry. I cannot figure out what I eliminate and
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what I maintain. It's too much. Listen. Value number four, have a bias for action.
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I do not have that. Wait, wait. I have to be biased for action. That means I have to want action,
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or I have to agree with action. I have to be drawn to action. Okay, Marcus knows all this
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because he's worked in corporate America. And me and Steph are like, hmm, what? We just bag coffee.
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You know what my default speed is? Go. That's what that means. My default to go.
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You're going to do so well on the next section, which happens to be a quiz.
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Were you going to quiz us on what all those fucking mean because you couldn't figure it out?
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You pass the quiz as whether or not they want you as a customer. This is how this goes.
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This company isn't just selling coffee. They also have a club. It's called the King's Collective.
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I can't believe they call it that. I can't believe they are so openly and like, I don't want to say
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anti-women so far, but- Exclusionary.
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Women exclusionary. Thank you. I think that's a great way to define it. I spent a ton of time
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on the company's Instagram page and they have the kind of casual misogyny that you see in advertising
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everywhere, like a woman in a bikini with a cup of coffee on a tray. You know what I mean? You see
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that everywhere and there's nothing especially offensive compared to other marketing, but that
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is very much the case. There is not a woman who speaks. There's not a woman who drinks the coffee.
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They almost don't exist. It's like, here's a fancy car. Here's a hot lady. Let's talk about what the
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men are doing. Although I can say there are coffees that are very clearly marketed towards women.
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It is a marketing decision. They have a, I mean, yeah. There's a coffee company for everyone.
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What was that birthday coffee that we did? Oh, Cardio, Coffee for Cardio. Yeah, yeah.
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Something like that. Yeah, that's for the ladies. That was almost exclusively for the ladies.
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Based on their marketing. Yeah. It really does feel like branding in target market and segment.
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We really want to go after the alpha male. I wonder if they're going to repost, if we post and tag
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them, if they would share us to their stories or not, because you're a woman and I'm a woman.
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No, we're misogyny welcomes allies, guys. But we're not in bikinis. We're not in bikinis.
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We're not in bikinis. We're just doing a lot of talking.
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We got to get naked and take some more photos. We could hold the coffee bag in front of our boobs.
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Clever marketing. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You know, in toxic alpha male vibe is a thing, especially in
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corporate America. You know, as a almost 15 year veteran of corporate, you know, they're around,
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right? These guys that come in and just think they have to be a certain way to be, you know,
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to be successful. Right. Right. And they latch on to that identity, you know. Yeah. It's funny
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because when those guys come around me, like at work, I mentally tell them to go fuck themselves.
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It's always the sales people too. I politely say, no, thank you. But mentally, yeah. Yeah. Go fuck
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yourself. I was in enterprise sales and it's like rampant in sales, like, you know, number one
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machismo, you know, for whatever reason. I shouldn't be mean though. It's never successful. It's probably all coming from a place of like
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massive insecurity. And I'm sorry to those sales people. I told them to go fuck themselves in my mind.
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It's a tough job. Well, if they would just chill and be cool, you know, maybe we would have something
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to talk about. But there is no chill and be cool. If you're an alpha and you're living that lifestyle
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and you're like money, money, money and go, go, go, there is no chill and be cool. It's like, man,
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where's the next score? Where's the next dollar? So, you know what, though? You don't get ahead.
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That apology is only for door-to-door salespeople. I was wondering how long it would take for her to
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reason that apology, by the way. Was it even 10 seconds? It was not for the hedge fund managers.
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I don't even know what a hedge fund is, to be honest. All I know is that Wall Street has
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artificially propped up our economy, I think. For this episode, I learned about Amazon sales. I did
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not learn about hedge funds. I don't know. Yeah. What do hedge funds do, Marcus? Listen, man,
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it's the matrix. See, he doesn't know either. Marcus doesn't know either. It's like such a,
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it's like when people are like, oh, I'm a consultant. That's what I do for a living.
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What the fuck does that mean? What are you doing? Tell me more. I'll look it up later. I was also
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looking into Puerto Rican tax codes for this episode. I can't do it all. I can't know what
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everything is. Let's talk about the King's Collective, the club that you can join through
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this website. They say you're the average of who you surround yourself with. See if you qualify
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to join the collective. Qualify. Do you have what it takes? First, let's talk about what is
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the King's Collective to make sure that we even want to join. Sounds royally amazing.
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There's a crown picture, a picture of a crown right there. Discounts? 10% off. Nice. The King's
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Collective is the world's first membership organization founded on the mission of coaching
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men to elite standards of physical and mental performance. There's some super weird
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capitalization I'm not going to have. Our mission is to make savage the body and civil the mind.
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Our training and coaching system is a year-long experience designed to take any man from zero
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to hero status. You will dominate your life. King's Collective is not for everyone. They're really
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getting people to identify with this company. They sure are. So their level of attachment. If
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you go through this, you're in the club and you get a 10% off and you just buy all our coffee
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from us forever. For a year. It's a year-long membership. Oh wait, so you have to buy a year's
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worth of coffee. It's like a year-long subscription. Hang on. We'll get to this.
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I'm only going to read the headings and the highlighted portions of this page.
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Cool. Okay, so this is what they want us to know if we're skimming through the King's Collective
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page. The problem with men today. Men lack standards. No fucking standards. The average man
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today is overweight, deconditioned, and in poor physical and mental health. Ain't that the truth,
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brother? You want to thrive. You want to win. You want to be a king. I do. I'd like all of those.
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There's a quote from a Roman Emperor. I'm feeling upset about the man shaming that's happening here.
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No, I'm getting hard again. Keep going. I'm so hot for this coffee and lifestyle.
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You will gain four things. You will become measurably stronger. You will become more muscular.
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You will lose body fat and become leaner. You will become objectively more attractive. This is
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literally everything I want in my life. Just by drinking this coffee? That's all they have to do?
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No, you have to join the King's Collective. Yeah. Right. This is telling the King's Collective.
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It's not as easy as just drinking coffee. No, there's a little more to it than that.
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Because I was like- You join the club first and then the coffee embodies that. Pay attention.
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There are a lot of lists. You will complete four distinct training phases. Acclimation, acceleration,
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velocity, ascension, what you get in King's Collective and online community, coaches,
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check-ins, thrice weekly. How much? How much does this go? It actually says thrice weekly.
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Training programs, diet templates, health optimization, video exercises, and quarterly
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contests. You could win a thousand dollars. What is not to love? I know, right? You want to take
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the quiz and see if you're eligible to join. How much does it cost? Well, no idea yet. Let's take
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the quiz and see what happens. Let's find out. I hope I get in. It's the first question, are you a
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man or a woman? I feel like that should be the first qualifier. They do not ask if you're a man.
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Do you identify as a man? Oh, geez. They're definitely not asking that.
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Do you know what the word identify means? Instant fail.
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All right. There are 20 questions. We'll try to get through them as quickly as possible. Oh, please.
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All right. Number one, age. Number two, height. Number three, weight. Okay. Question number four,
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first and last name. I used the most masculine name I could think of, Burt Reynolds.
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Love it. Question number five, what are your top three goals to achieve in the next three months?
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What about the next year? Question number seven, what has held you back from reaching those goals?
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My wife. Number eight, how motivated are you to reach your goals on a scale of one to five?
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Number nine, do you currently have the one time initiation fee of $500? What? To make this
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investment in your life, monthly membership after that costs $100. Monthly, per month? Per month.
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500 upfront. Okay. 100 a month. Perfectly reasonable investment in yourself.
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The options for answers are A, yes, B, no, C, not right now, but I can get it.
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Wow. Jenny is just like in awe. Question number 10. I would call this not awe,
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but maybe like. Shock? Is it shock? What happens when you cross shock and horror
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and complete displeasure all in one? It does feel a little bit like a fishing campaign,
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like a really targeted campaign to hit a specific person that's in a mental state that's like,
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yes. Yes. 500 bucks. Is this trying to like. And has $500. Is this trying to like,
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and take it. Okay. You're a man. Is this trying to take advantage of people who like feel weak
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and like powerless in their lives? That is exactly what's happening right now.
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Beta's? Are you referring to beta's? Yeah. I'm feeling really sad right now about this
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actually, because there's like, that there's people out there that are like that and clearly
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maybe buy into this bullshit. $500? Well, it's like, you know, like the scam emails,
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right? Where they like purposefully make them sound like scam emails, because then if you fall
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for it, you're really a fucking idiot. This is a qualifier. They're really trying to weed out the
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people that they're trying to find people that are going to fall for it here. Yeah. You're probably
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right. You know, but on the other hand, like most health club memberships. How much does that cost?
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Right. Or like diet memberships, diet club memberships, like Weight Watchers or whatever.
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So like a lot of these do have an enrollment fee, and then you have to pay your monthly dues after
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that. And, you know, like, there are tons of things like this all over the internet.
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Is this Andrew Tate's coffee? No, but I did watch an Andrew Tate video yesterday as part of my
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research. And it was pretty fucking disturbing. Was he listed as an ally on this?
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Can we circle back to Andrew Tate? Because I do have something to say.
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Great. That's a great guess, Marcus.
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Do you think we can make it through the second half of this quiz?
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There's another half. That was question nine. Do you have the money?
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Well, I want to see if Burt Reynolds gets in. Okay. So what happens after 10?
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10, they ask your phone number. I gave Jason's, obviously. Number 11.
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Oh, man, I can only imagine the marketing text messages Jason's getting.
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Number 11, what is your full history with exercise and fitness?
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Number 12, what is your experience with macro counting and calorie tracking?
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Number 13, what is your experience with resistance training? I don't even know what that is.
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That's bands. Oh, bands.
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Yeah, we do that at bar class. Oh, see? I could join.
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Do you take any supplements or other performance enhancers?
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Steroids. You're about to.
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Are you open to working a mind body supplement program into your regimen? Yes or no?
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Number 16, what is your email? Number 17, if we both agree that this is a good fit,
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when would you be ready to enroll in the program? A, ASAP. B, two to seven days.
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Three, eight. C, eight to 15 days or 15 or more days.
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So are they also selling like, like Herbalife or something?
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Right. Yeah. Is this a conduit for Herbalife?
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This is a whole fucking lifestyle schema.
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Yeah, just wait till we get to the products. Number 18, do you have a business partner or spouse
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that is involved in the decision making process? Oh my God, it's a multi-level marketing scheme.
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Yes, it is a multi-level marketing scheme. I fucking nailed it. This is Beachbody.
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Wow. This is fucking all those things that you see women posting about on the internet, like.
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Lula Rowe. Lula Rowe.
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Well, that one doesn't involve any exercise though. I have at least a couple people on my Facebook
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that are involved in some sort of exercise and dieting MLM and they're always posting like,
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if you want to, like, look how fit I am. If you want to get fit too, send me a message.
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You know, it's like a total thing, but this is for men. This is the exact same thing that we have all seen.
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Yep. Yeah. Wow.
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So you get it now. In bold, if you do have a spouse involved in the decision making process,
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please make sure they attend the scheduled phone call.
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Oh, that's a sales call. Question 19, after you answer this question,
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you will be prompted to set up a call with our team. Are you planning on booking a free
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King's Collective call and attending the scheduled meeting? Yes or no.
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So wait, where's the fucking like, learn about yourself thing? This just seems like an intake form.
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Yes. This is an intake form. This is not a quiz. This is an intake form.
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Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
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I hit yes that I was serious about scheduling a meeting.
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Oh shit. Okay.
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And it took me, it had like a guy's name at the top. I Googled the guy, like, yeah,
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multi-level marketing. I Googled the guy. I couldn't figure out who he was.
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Wow. But like, then there was a calendar and I could schedule a 30 minute call and I wanted
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to schedule it for today at noon so that we could do it.
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Did we? Did he call?
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We can't do Sundays. No Sundays available. So I didn't schedule it.
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Man. Yep. It's a man's time to rest.
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Oh, that could have been fun. We would have asked him like, do you have any good recording equipment?
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No, no, no reason.
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Just hold him up to the phone or to the mic.
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Okay. Here's the products that they sell. They sell the product that we purchased,
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which is the dark roast that is advertised as high caffeine. The way they get the high caffeine is?
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Robusta. Robusta coffee.
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Amazing. How much does this cost?
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$15 and it is only 10 ounces.
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Wow. They also have a light roast Arabica for 15.
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They have a mushroom coffee with lion's mane that they sell for 20. They have a waste loss coffee
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that is supposed to be for losing weight. It is $30 for 10 ounces. It's a dark roast
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Arabica with saffron extract in it. That's all it is.
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Is the coffee an MLM product? No, I think the coffee is, he's not
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roasting the coffee. I found the coffee roaster. He's marketing the coffee. That's all he's doing.
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So it's just another way in to the schema.
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He is, we'll talk about the guy, but he's definitely like a influencer type, like a lifestyle dude.
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He has a lot of videos on Instagram, like a lot.
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So it's like, I met somebody like this once. It was like his brand. So it's like, you get my coffee,
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my deodorant, this and all this stuff. And then that's the lifestyle. And then he gets the
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commission on all the things you buy, which is great. The last two products are like,
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this is going to sound ridiculous. The instant coffee is kind of like the flagship product.
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The instant coffee also contains a whole list of supplements.
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Adeptogens? Yeah, some of those.
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Neutropics? Neutropics.
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Things that are supplements intended for building muscle mass, anabolic supplements.
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This is being marketed directly to weightlifters. This is where this is going.
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Okay. Okay.
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So the coffee has amino acids, it's got mushrooms, it's got some kind of root from Peru,
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it's got some moss from China. It's like, you know, it's like your typical,
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it's important that it's all natural. There are no steroids in this. There's nothing.
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They're like, don't worry, there's no steroids. Right.
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None, none steroids. That's right. That's right.
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It's just moss. It's a very natural way to raise your testosterone.
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Right. Naturally.
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I would like to also wonder though, how much are they really squeezing into an instant packet?
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Listen, this is a jar of instant coffee that is 2.7 grams. It costs $50.
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How much? 50.
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No, no, how much? 2.7 ounces.
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Oh, okay. 2.7 ounces.
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Oh, okay. Okay.
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That's a big difference. I'm sorry, I apologize. You're supposedly getting 30 servings for $50.
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And then they also have a creamer for $50. It does not have anything resembling cream in it.
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It's Himalayan salt, olive oil, a bunch of varieties of mushrooms, some pine bark extract,
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and gorgon and stevia.
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This sounds disgusting.
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It sounds really gross.
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It doesn't also sound like it would cream my coffee.
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Yeah, no, I don't under... It's really, it's just a weightlifting supplement.
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That's what I have to say about the website. I guess let's talk about the guy. I don't know,
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we'll call him Rob. Our mission is to empower the free thinkers and create a community that
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will impact the world. That's all. Just that. Rob was born sometime around 1990, 1991. He's a young
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guy. Just 30, early 30s.
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One of those guys.
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He was raised in Washington state. His dad is from Tennessee. He tells a story about his dad
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being born in a tent in rural Tennessee to a 15 year old mother. I think his dad is the one who
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pulled himself up by the bootstraps. His dad made a good living, supported the family,
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sent Rob to college in California. He was like a high school basketball player. He's always been
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into weightlifting and supplements and calls himself a biohacker.
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A lot of things happened that directed him on this path. He didn't want to have a nine to five job.
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Apparently, he was finishing college and he had this day that he spent with some Wall Street dude
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where he like, go to work with dad day or whatever. Yeah, probably. Yeah. He said the guy was making
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a million dollars a month and he was so impressed with him and he was so excited to spend the day
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with him. This sounds like somebody else we know. Yeah. Then he realized this actually kind of sucks
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to have to go into an office every day and to have to work 100 hours a week. I want to make a shit
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ton of money too, but also I want to do it on my terms and I don't want to be dependent on someone
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else to cut me a paycheck. Oh, so he's like the, what was that? Mark Maron did like the, or who
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did that like six hour work week? Like alpha male, get the shit done. Oh yeah, good question.
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It feels like that same sort of vein where it's like, I did that, I saw hedge fund,
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working too much. I work with my dick, not with my hands, six hours.
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You might be able to do that for just six hours. Not with me. I don't have that kind of money,
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but you might be able to find someone. Not literally. I mean, like, you know, like
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30 minute increments. Figuratively, like they have this whole, you know, like mentality of like,
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ugh. You're a hot young thing. You know? So he goes into Amazon sales, but timing is sort of
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perfect for him to sort of freelance working for other companies to help them figure out how to
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successfully sell their products on Amazon. And this is, I don't know when this would have been,
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he was in his twenties. This would have been like the teens then, the 2000 teens.
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And he has a lot of like complaints about how customers just wouldn't listen to him,
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probably because he was like in his early twenties. So he was like frustrated with how that was going.
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And then something else that happened in this timeframe is that there was some kind of
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weightlifting supplement scandal. And there were like steroids in the supplements that weren't
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supposed to be there. And he has always been like a very all natural person. He's never wanted to
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take drugs. He sees like an opening here because there aren't like all natural supplements that
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you can trust. Like a bunch of the like big names got busted for having these steroids in them. I
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tried to look up the scandal, but there have been so many scandals in supplements and specifically
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anabolic supplements that it was really difficult to figure out exactly what he was talking about.
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But so he sees that he's capable of marketing things really well on Amazon. He's sick of dealing
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with these customers who won't listen to him. And what he's marketing on Amazon already,
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the clients he already has are like weightlifting and supplement associated client. Like this is
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his realm. This is like his area of personal interest and his area of work for years. And he's
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just like perfectly placed to like do this. So he starts up his own supplement company prior to the
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coffee company. This is what gets people going. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I want to do tropics, adaptogenic
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mushrooms. I want to come. I want to commit to the quarter biohacking. Right. Get them greens.
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Yeah. Fuck them bitches. Yep. Yep. All of that. All of that. Yeah. Yeah. So he wants to be wealthy
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and also live wherever he wants to live and have free time to do what he wants to do. He starts up
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this supplement company. He markets it on Amazon. He is extremely hugely amazingly successful. He
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sells the company not much later for somewhere in the eight figures. Wow. Eight figures. Eight
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figures. That was like the most exact number I could find. So somewhere between 10 million and
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99 million dollars. Amazing. A big window, but it's good no matter where you land there. It's a
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brand. That's a real brand. I mean that's some pretty good work for a kid. Yeah. He was in his
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20s when he started it. He was in his 20s when he sold it. That's how he became a millionaire.
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Amazing. He now lives in Puerto Rico. Let's talk about why. He and his lovely wife and his two
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little girls who are under five move to Puerto Rico in his own words to evade paying taxes.
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Here's something really interesting about Puerto Rico. It's called Act 60. And if you're Puerto
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Rican, I guarantee you know all about it. If you move to Puerto Rico from the mainland U.S.
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your tax rate goes down to 4% on income tax and you pay no capital gains. Oh. Okay. Capital gains
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means interest on investments that you're earning. Oh. So this is a tax deal specifically for people
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with wealth, right? Yeah, tax haven. If you live in Puerto Rico like because you're an actual
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Puerto Rican person. Oh yeah, this is where I get fucked up. You don't get this. Oh. No, you pay
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regular income taxes and regular capital gains taxes. You don't get this deal. It is sort of
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like a manifest destiny perk or something. Oh. I don't fucking understand this. It's like a way
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to get people to move. They want wealthy people. They're trying to, you know, get some more white
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people down there. You know? You don't have to live in Puerto Rico year round in order to get
385
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:09,360
these. You have to live there. I believe it's 180 days out of the year. Yeah, six months. Do you think
386
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:14,880
like the United States was like we need our own Cayman Islands? Yeah, it's like onshore banking.
387
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:21,440
Onshore offshore banking? Yeah. I don't understand this though. I would love to revisit this. And if
388
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:29,520
you would like to learn more about what Rob has to say, you could watch his video called Leave
389
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:37,600
America Before It Crumbles. Cool. Where he explains why you too should move to Puerto Rico. Which is
390
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:46,080
still technically America-ish. Right. It's America adjacent. He believes in something called the
391
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:53,280
sovereign individual. Oh no, he's not one of these fucking guys, is he? He is absolutely. If you only
392
00:38:53,280 --> 00:39:00,160
know two things about this guy, one of which is that he hero worships Bezos, the other important
393
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:08,480
thing to know about him is he is libertarian as fuck. Like you should not be paying taxes. The
394
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:14,400
government is doing nothing for you. No one has authority over you. You should just do what you
395
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:20,800
want to do when you want to do it. Okay. I just don't understand like if he feels that way, why is
396
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:25,600
he still associated? Well, that's why he moved to Puerto Rico. But he gave up his right to vote.
397
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:30,880
No, he didn't because he still lives in the US half the year actually. So he probably also has
398
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:38,720
citizenship in Washington state where he votes. On Instagram, they use terms like soy boy and beta
399
00:39:38,720 --> 00:39:45,280
a lot. And they say like very- You said soy boy? Soy boy. Like a- Like a soy milk boy?
400
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:51,840
Mm-hmm. Like a boy who drinks soy? And like eats tofu. And obviously doesn't have a dick.
401
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:59,760
Obviously is a beta. Yeah. Oh, I see. A beta is a soy boy. Yes. Oh. There's synonyms. I thought
402
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:04,160
they- Oh, this is so funny. I thought they were talking about themselves as soy boys. And I was
403
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:10,800
like, this is very off-brand. Yeah. No, no, no. No. Be a real man, drink coffee. Don't be a soy
404
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:19,200
boy. Okay. There's a lot of like fat phobic shit on the Instagram, you know? Like here's a picture
405
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:24,000
of some fat people. Don't be like them. Oh. Yeah, I don't like that. That kind of shit. We talked
406
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:32,160
about this sort of latent misogyny. There is a video where this guy literally says that his
407
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:41,360
instant coffee with the supplements will make your dick bigger. He literally makes that guarantee.
408
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:46,560
Wow. Which is amazing. Wow. How much are they selling it for? $50, Marcus. Seems worth it.
409
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:52,720
He can do it. Yes. He hates Howard Schultz. He just like happened to mention that in an interview.
410
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:56,960
So the enemy of your enemy. Right? Right. My friend. Yeah, that's right. Wait, why does he
411
00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:02,800
hate Howard Schultz? This guy's got a lot of things he doesn't like. Yes. He didn't go into it,
412
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:07,920
actually. He just sort of mentioned in passing how much he hates Howard Schultz and loves Kanye West.
413
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:12,640
Oh, wait. Aren't like him and Howard Schultz though, they're kind of, you know, both like- Howard
414
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:17,440
Schultz is a fucking alpha moneymaking guy. Yeah, you would think. I guess, I mean, I'm sure there's
415
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:22,240
some infighting amongst the alphas once you finally get up there. As far as Andrew Tate,
416
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:30,800
this guy has very carefully not said anything publicly about Andrew Tate, but he did do a video
417
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:37,200
that he has posted on his Instagram with another guy. The other guy is so fucking douchey in an
418
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:44,960
Instagram filled with douchebags. This guy stands way out- Supreme. Ahead of the crowd. Oh, man.
419
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:51,840
I don't know who he is. Like, there's no name anywhere. There's no, like, it's really weird
420
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:57,040
that he's having this like anonymous interview. I think I'm supposed to recognize this guy,
421
00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:03,040
but I have no clue who he is. And he says, well, I'm not going to say anything bad about Andrew
422
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:08,880
Tate. That guy, blah, blah, like a very positive, goes on to give a very positive review of Andrew
423
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:14,480
Tate. And- Because he's an alpha male and, you know, it's like there's a power vacuum though,
424
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:19,760
in the alpha male community. How did Rob feel? How did Rob respond? So Rob responds by just like
425
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:26,000
sitting there quietly nodding and not saying a word and not pushing back against that. And I do
426
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:31,680
think that Andrew Tate is probably part of the same little club. I mean, these guys are into like
427
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:36,160
supplements and weightlifting. How big is this club? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're
428
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:42,560
catering to the same crowd. Yeah. Right. So that is how I ended up watching a really disturbing
429
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:47,760
Andrew Tate video. I was like, actually, I don't know anything about this guy except the headlines.
430
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:54,000
So let's just watch this two minute video. Oh, sure. Tell me about it. It was just like, clearly
431
00:42:54,000 --> 00:43:02,240
this person needs help. Before we walk away from this Rob guy, I just want to give you his four
432
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:08,400
tenets for breaking out of the matrix if you're, if you feel ready to hear them. Oh, I am so fucking
433
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:16,640
ready. I have been so tired of being in this matrix. Number one, get in the best shape of your
434
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:22,640
life. The universe won't take you seriously until you take yourself seriously. Love that. Love it.
435
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:29,680
Cool. Okay. Right. Wait, wait. So the universe gives a shit about how fit I am. They don't give
436
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:35,040
a shit until you're fit. Oh, until I'm fit. Okay. Right. I do think there's something to like, if you
437
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:42,320
feel good about the way you look, then people will feel good about you. Right. I mean, there's,
438
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:47,200
you know, there's some truth to that. Can I feel good about how I look without being fit though?
439
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:52,080
No. Well, not if you want to break out of the matrix. And not if you want the universe to give
440
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:57,760
a shit about you. So I can feel good about myself, but if I'm not exercising to get there. Right.
441
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:03,120
Yeah. Probably not. Probably nobody is. The universe will not take notice. Number two,
442
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:11,520
get rich or die trying. Okay. I kind of really, I kind of, it's like hitting,
443
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:19,040
hitting me in my salesy heart. You know what? I just came up with a plan. Let's go rob a bank.
444
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:25,840
I'm dead. Rob told me get rich or die trying. All right. We'll buy a gun on the way, I guess.
445
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:30,160
Let's stop at Walmart. Number three, Jenny, you're really going to appreciate this one.
446
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:39,280
Find love, real love. The younger, the better. Oh, that's not cool. Because women over 30
447
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:45,360
are single for a reason. That says that on his website? Yes. It was actually a video. Yes. And
448
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:49,840
he was like, I'm not going to go into that, but just trust me on that one. They're single for a
449
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:58,720
reason. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like this needs to be a video podcast. To really capture
450
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:05,280
what is happening. Number four? You know what? I almost was like, you know what? Maybe we could
451
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:10,560
just mention this guy's coffee company. I don't give a shit. But he got me a number three. He can
452
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:17,840
go fuck himself. I haven't even yet. I'm sorry. Wait. No bad reviews on go fuck yourself. It's
453
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:23,120
very nice. You take that back. I haven't even gotten to the reason why I don't want to mention
454
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:29,440
his company. Oh man. Are you for real? Number four? Number four, super simple and obvious, find God.
455
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:35,600
What? I thought this wasn't religious. Yeah. Surprise. He actually has a deep, deep faith in
456
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:43,280
God. No surprise there. Not like that pussy Jesus, but like a more like patriarchal God is more his
457
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:51,280
deal. Like a male God, the father. Yes. Got it. Okay. Oh man. There's more? I thought we were done.
458
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:58,880
We're coming so close to the end. I am going to talk about the coffee in a minute, but the last
459
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:06,080
thing I want to say about this company, there was an illustration on the website. So the website is
460
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:13,520
all very, it's a very nice looking website. All of the colors are right. There's like, the logo is
461
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:19,840
very simple. It's like a very simple, well done website. But in the middle of the homepage is
462
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:27,840
this weird illustration that doesn't fit in. And it's like a guy, it's like a green guy holding out.
463
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:32,320
He's sitting in a chair and he's wearing a black robe and he's holding both hands out. A green guy?
464
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:39,600
Black robe. Black robe. Holding both hands out. And he's got this coffee in one hand and he has a
465
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:47,680
very obvious Starbucks cup in the other hand. Okay. And across the top it says, once you alpha,
466
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:52,800
you'll never go beta. Oh, that's funny. And I kind of, yeah, that was the reaction I had like,
467
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:57,520
ha ha, fuck Starbucks. Fine. And so I scrolled right past it, but then I went to look at it again,
468
00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:03,920
because... Oh, is it the frog? It just looked weird to me. Is it the frog? It has very human hands,
469
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:10,400
but it definitely has a frog face. Oh, was it a Pepe the frog meme? Okay. So I'm going to send you
470
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:17,360
a picture of this frog and Pepe together. I'm envisioning him as Morpheus doing like the red
471
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:24,320
pill or blue pill, alpha or beta. That's what I'm envisioning, but I don't, that's me. Matrix. I, oh,
472
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:31,280
I didn't get that reference. Did I ruin it for you? No, it's fine. So that's Pepe as Morpheus.
473
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:36,800
Yeah. So what are we, like, this was the moment that I was like, it's one thing if you're like
474
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:41,280
a jerk and I don't agree with your political views, right? That's one thing. But like, if you're a
475
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:47,120
Nazi, that's another thing. Like this wasn't marketed to me as alt-right coffee. It wasn't
476
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:52,000
marketed to me as white supremacist coffee. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's just
477
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:57,120
more of an internet cultural thing. Does it not mean anything? It means something that these guys
478
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:03,360
put it on their website when nothing else like that is on the website. Pepe the frog has been banned
479
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:09,680
as like a, as like a hate symbol. Yes. A hate symbol. Yeah. It's like banned by like Apple
480
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:15,600
and like other places. Like people won't, like companies aren't allowing it because it's used
481
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:23,040
so widely as a hate symbol. Not for profit anti-hate groups have labeled it a hate symbol.
482
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:27,120
I just thought. I didn't know that. I thought it was like something degenerate on the internet.
483
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:32,960
You used it. I mean it is. So the guy who like, the guy who made the comic is like horrified that
484
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:39,680
this happened. Like this is not his deal. It's been taken from him. Like it got taken as a meme
485
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:45,200
and then it got absorbed by the alt-right. And he fought it for six months. He like fought this,
486
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:51,840
the publisher fought it. He's like horrified and devastated and ended up killing off the character
487
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:59,040
in a comic. So first the alt-right had it. Then Donald Trump picked it up. I will say the owner
488
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:03,280
of this company did say something anti-Trump in one of the videos I watched. He's definitely not
489
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:13,920
a Trump guy or not anymore or whatever. But it, it disturbs me. Like what am I to make of this one
490
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:20,080
weird thing that, that was clearly placed on the website and is also on the Amazon page. If you
491
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:26,480
flip through the Amazon photos of the product, you see this frog. It's a dog whistle, right?
492
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:32,880
For the same type of people that are buying into that who are going to pay $500 to get alpha male
493
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:38,560
coaching. That's, this is the dog. Those are the same types of people that are, that need that in
494
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:44,800
their life. That was the one moment that I was like, Oh my God, who did we give money to? Like,
495
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:50,000
fuck. Now this guy's not roasting the coffee, right? He's just buying it from another company.
496
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:56,480
Oh, okay. Cool. Company is Mellow Beans Coffee. That's who roasts it. That's who roasts it. They
497
00:49:56,480 --> 00:50:02,320
are maybe headquartered in Sacramento, California, or maybe they're headquartered in Wilmington,
498
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:06,480
Delaware. Oh, they're probably registered in Delaware for the tax breaks, but they're roasting
499
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:11,680
in California. They're actually roasting in Virginia. Oh, for the labor breaks. Virginia Beach,
500
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:19,120
Virginia, founded by the guy's name is Brian McManaman, which is the same name as the McManaman
501
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:25,520
brothers from Portland. So weird. I saw a picture. It's a totally different guy, generations younger.
502
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:32,160
Crazy. This guy is, he went to the U S Naval Academy. He's currently in the military. He's
503
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:37,200
also a real estate investor. He's also the managing partner of Mellow Beans Coffee.
504
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:45,120
Managing partner sounds fancy. He is involved in a company called Red Cell Partners,
505
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:52,640
which is an incubation and investment platform for healthcare and defense technology.
506
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:59,680
All right. This is all like an alpha male, like this is a world of alpha males helping each other
507
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:05,920
out, I think. Yeah. He used to be like a Navy seal, I think, because he- Amazing. That's alpha vibes.
508
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:16,160
Yeah. All right. Anyway, he renovated a 1995 Ford van into a mobile coffee shop. So he's basically
509
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:22,720
got a food truck. Cool. Where he sells his coffee, 8,000 customers in 2021, 100% compostable. He
510
00:51:22,720 --> 00:51:29,840
sponsors a little league team. Those are the bullet points there. And yeah, he does a ton of toll roasting.
511
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:38,720
I think that's their main thing. He has a few single origin coffees on his website. He has a
512
00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:46,320
Guatemalan blend that's all female farmers. He has a chicory blend and one with mushrooms in it.
513
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:53,280
And then he also has a really interesting product called the Mellow Method Caffeine Reduction Reset
514
00:51:53,280 --> 00:52:02,480
Plan. It's five bags of coffee for $60. One bag is fully caffeinated. The second bag is three quarters
515
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:08,480
caffeinated, one quarter decaf. The third bag is half and half. Then you've got a quarter
516
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:14,640
caffeinated, and then the last bag is fully decaf. So you gradually work your way down. And then you
517
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:20,720
can start fresh. Wow. Yeah. Which is an interesting concept that I had not seen anywhere before.
518
00:52:20,720 --> 00:52:25,520
I've never heard of that. Yeah, that's interesting. Right. We'll step you down. It's innovative for a
519
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:33,200
coffee roaster. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Well. Let's just brew it. Maybe we'll be surprised. Maybe a
520
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:39,440
dark roast Robusta will taste way better. What do you guys think it's going to taste like? Shall we
521
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:46,000
brew some coffee? Dollar Tree coffee? That's my prediction. Modest Coffee roasts the highest
522
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:52,160
quality single origin coffees without the snobbery. They take the guesswork out of buying specialty
523
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:58,240
coffee by carefully curating green coffees and sorting them to one of their tiers based on
524
00:52:58,240 --> 00:53:07,200
cupping score, price, flavor notes, and roast level. Go to www.modest.coffee.com forward slash
525
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:15,600
no bad reviews to see what they're roasting today. Pip pip cheerio. And we're back. So the coffee is
526
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:21,520
a, you know, it's a, there's some dark beans and some light beans mixed in there. It smells like
527
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:27,760
a mesquite, like a strong mesquite smoky aroma has been coming off the brewed coffee. It definitely
528
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:34,320
is a, it definitely has those like, you remember Cafe du Monde coffee? Yeah. It definitely kind of
529
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:43,120
has that like by look just kind of dark and a little bit thick. It feels very alpha in the cup.
530
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:48,000
I wanted to talk about Cafe du Monde and Vietnamese and coffee in general, because that's where we see
531
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:56,880
Robusta a lot. Cafe du Monde, I believe is 50% coffee and 50% milk if you get it at Cafe du Monde.
532
00:53:56,880 --> 00:54:03,360
That's right. It's half and half. Right. Or milk. Yes. Cafe au lait. Right. And then Vietnamese coffee
533
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:10,720
is generally Robusta and it is generally sweetened and lightened with sweetened condensed milk,
534
00:54:10,720 --> 00:54:15,760
which really, I mean, sweetened condensed milk is fucking intense. It really changes that coffee.
535
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:25,840
So to drink a Robusta black is not typically done. That's true. How does Alpha male tell us to drink
536
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:30,960
it? Well, with the special creamer that they sell that's full of mushrooms and pine bark. I just
537
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:38,560
assumed it was going to be coffee enema. Coffee enema? Yeah. Just right up the poop chute. You
538
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:42,640
could inject it with your steroids. I don't know. Yeah. I don't think that like alpha males are
539
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:46,880
sticking anything up their bums. Yeah. No. That's not the way to market. That's the hardcore.
540
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:52,480
That comes after you sign up for the membership. You're like stick this in your butt.
541
00:54:52,480 --> 00:55:01,200
It's like a hazing ritual. Do you like my happy birthday mug that I found at the thrift store?
542
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:05,760
That's super cute. Super cute. When I was a kid, I had a mug with balloons on it. I didn't say
543
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:09,280
anything, but I still use it at my mom's house sometimes. Oh, that's really cute.
544
00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:17,040
I'd love to hear what you guys think. Super hot. Smells terrible. Can't wait. Yeah. Wait, wait,
545
00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:22,720
wait. Good reviews only. Smells challenging. How about this? If you can't say anything nice,
546
00:55:22,720 --> 00:55:26,880
say nothing at all. Maybe that should be our caveat for today's episode. Oh my God. And there
547
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:30,960
will be no speaking for the next 10 minutes. I know. That was the point I was trying to make.
548
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:37,120
You know what, guys? I was just going to be quiet. You love it, Marcus? It's not bad. Marcus is so
549
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:47,920
full of shit right now. I mean, in my mind, for as bad as some robustas that I've had, this is not
550
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:54,160
bad. Look, Marcus is already, the marketing is already working. It's like seeped into his
551
00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:59,680
like subconscious psyche. And he's like, I got to start talking. I got to talk to my wife and see
552
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:12,400
if we got 500. This is the decision maker home. Can you put her on the phone? Like that they would
553
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:17,440
even suggest that the wife would be part of the decision making process is obviously an indication
554
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:23,680
that you need their help desperately. It's a lead. It's a lead form. It wasn't even a fucking quiz.
555
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:29,600
I'm so mad about that. I thought it was going to be like really exclusive, but no, it's like,
556
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:38,880
please input your billing information. Question one, what is your billing information?
557
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:50,160
What is your credit card number? And hit submit and surprise, you win. You're in.
558
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:57,200
I'm in. Maybe my standards are just my coffee standards are lowering since we started this
559
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:03,360
podcast because I really feel like this is not bad. Especially because we had those GFA coffees
560
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:10,240
last week and Marcus was like, they're okay. They're too much. It's too much fruit. It's too
561
00:57:10,240 --> 00:57:20,720
tangy. Give me some Robusta, please. I want some Alpha Robusta. Sounds like an old car. Right.
562
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:29,360
It's like the old car for coffee dudes. I'm actually kind of disappointed in myself.
563
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:35,760
I'm disappointed in you too. Oh my God. I think I need a cafe au lait. For how not bad I think this
564
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:41,840
is. I think, yeah, I'm like, I'm like about to fire you and hire a new lead roaster. Something about
565
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:48,240
just, no, I am really concerned about your palette right now. How bitter it is, but it's like,
566
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:54,800
in my mind, I thought it would be so much worse. This is about exactly what I expected in my mind.
567
00:57:54,800 --> 00:58:01,040
Steph, would you like some full fat dairy, like heavy whipping cream that you say you love? Yes,
568
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:05,600
I would like some full fat dairy. Okay. I'm going to go grab. I'd like some too. Okay. We might need
569
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:12,880
more sugar. We have whipped cream today. What do you think Steph? You can't. I'm watching your face.
570
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:22,080
It's still like painfully hot. I mean. I knew it. I knew this was up your alley.
571
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:27,120
I mean, it's bitter, right? Like myself.
572
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:34,480
But it's not like acrid, like some of those really, really bitter,
573
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:41,600
acrid coffee. It doesn't have an acrid taste to it. Like I don't feel like some, like one robusta we
574
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:47,760
had, I rejected it. Like I could not drink it. Now that you're talking about that dollar store
575
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:53,200
coffee. And remember when we were recording that episode, you said there's a third kind of coffee
576
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:58,880
that grows on like a taller tree. And you were wondering if it was actually that because it was
577
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:06,800
so outside of what could be considered actual coffee. Maybe, maybe. I mean, even, you know,
578
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:12,240
some of the flavors we've had, flavored coffees we've had that are so, you know. Yeah. Chemical.
579
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:18,000
Yeah. I mean, this just doesn't. Oh my God. This, look at this. There's like clotted cream on the
580
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:25,920
top or whatever. It is so, this cream looks great. It's just what I need. Thank you. Always Aldi.
581
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:34,000
Yeah. So I poured about, so my cup was only like half full and I filled the other half with milk.
582
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:40,400
I think that's probably going to be appropriate. Okay. So I am really just trying to get, I mean,
583
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:47,520
our job here. I'm trying to separate the coffee from the dude and just focus on trying to find
584
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:54,880
no bad review for the coffee. Not the guy. Yeah. Sure. I think everybody listening could probably
585
00:59:54,880 --> 01:00:00,480
tell that this is that coffee they don't need to run out and buy. Yeah. From the way that we didn't
586
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:05,520
even tell them the name of the coffee. Yeah. And that they're really not missing out on anything
587
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:11,520
when it comes to flavor, but we have a premise and we're going to stick to our premise. So we
588
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:17,840
want to try it black and if we can't immediately give it a not bad review, then we're going to add
589
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:23,440
a little bit to it and get the coffee to a point where we're ready to give it a not bad review.
590
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:36,000
So some of the, some of the, at our disposal, thank you, our cream today and real whipped cream
591
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:42,320
and always, of course we have whiskey on the table. Today we have Uncle Nearest whiskey,
592
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:48,000
which I guess I'll add because it'll just help me feel better about this whole day.
593
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:57,280
My not bad review is. Uh oh. Here we go. So like if Adolf Hitler
594
01:00:57,280 --> 01:01:04,720
was reading Atlas shrugged aloud and that sound had a flavor.
595
01:01:11,840 --> 01:01:16,880
This actually, I hate, I like hate to say it, but I'm actually with Marcus. This is,
596
01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:22,560
does not taste as bad as I expected it to. It's a dark roast. It's bitter. It's not,
597
01:01:22,560 --> 01:01:30,480
it's not, it's not not drinkable, even black to me. It's a lot better with cream. I'm going to go
598
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:36,160
ahead and add some whiskey. Just because I mean, I feel like it'll make me feel better. Right.
599
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:42,000
Exactly. If I drink it with alcohol, for me, not for the coffee. Right. Yeah. I feel like we just
600
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:47,920
moved on a little too fast from the, my favorite thing I've ever heard on this podcast. Yeah,
601
01:01:47,920 --> 01:01:57,200
that was really, really great description. Thank you. That was so perfect. I was going to say,
602
01:01:57,200 --> 01:02:04,880
was that, did you come with that? Came with that. That was so good. Great writing. Thank you. I
603
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:11,920
should prepare more and wing it less. Oops, I just spilled a little whiskey. You know,
604
01:02:11,920 --> 01:02:17,040
the writer's strike is not happening in Aurora, Illinois. Apparently. Is there a writer's strike
605
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:20,480
right now? There's always a writer's strike. They should just pay those people more. I mean,
606
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:26,640
I think Hollywood has a lot of fucking money. Okay. Don't get me started on people with too
607
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:32,560
much fucking money. Oh, wait, wait, wait. No, that's on brand. With the whiskey. With the episode.
608
01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:39,840
And the cream. Oh, I accidentally put so much whiskey in there. Yeah. So honestly, like,
609
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:45,120
I feel like the whiskey, it really is like, we got the right whiskey now. This is, whiskey makes
610
01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:50,080
everything better. It's so good. This nearest green, Uncle nearest whiskey. Highly recommend.
611
01:02:50,080 --> 01:02:58,000
If you're, if you're local, they sell it at Prisco's. Oh, W whiskey. Yeah. I think my only,
612
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:05,120
my only way to get to a no bad review here was half coffee, half milk, sugar, about a teaspoon
613
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:10,400
of sugar, and then a bunch of whipped cream on top. That's where it's drinkable for me. It's not the
614
01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:16,560
most undrinkable we've had on the podcast, but it's definitely the most unpalatable story. Yeah.
615
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:22,240
Yeah. Right up there. Yep. Yep. That's fair. I'm thinking that this might be good with soy.
616
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:33,840
You would think that. In my hot pink fucking take out today. Somebody go buy some fucking soy milk.
617
01:03:33,840 --> 01:03:39,760
I would love to like just pour, or like post a video of us pouring in soy milk. That's funny.
618
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:48,000
And post that to our podcast page. Yeah. So wow. What a wild, awful, I mean, I mean, we don't,
619
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:51,920
I don't feel like we should have to research before we research. That's like the unfortunate
620
01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:57,600
thing here. Right? Like you do all your work and your effort. And then you're like, well,
621
01:03:57,600 --> 01:04:01,440
fuck, we've already bought the coffee. We've already put this on the calendar. I'm not starting over
622
01:04:01,440 --> 01:04:07,680
now. Yeah. Well, this worked out fine. Just not naming them. You know, it doesn't matter which
623
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:12,960
alpha male coffee company this is that we tried. This review covers all of them.
624
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:22,800
There you go. You're welcome, America. You just had your no bad review of all the alpha male coffees out there.
625
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:27,280
All right. Thanks, Jeff. Thank you for sticking with us today, everyone.
626
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:31,520
Yeah. And so we'll see you guys next week. Right now we're going to continue the party on. We're
627
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:37,840
going to grill some meats with the coffee rub. Join us on Patreon to find out how that grilled meat.
628
01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:44,080
And guys, let me tell you, since my trip to Milwaukee, I've been trying to perfect the burger.
629
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:48,880
And Steph, you're going to, you're going to find out all my hard work that I've been trying to do,
630
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:54,320
how to perfect the most perfect burger, how to cook it. Oh God, I got a whole recipe list.
631
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:58,240
We'll put that on Patreon. It's going to be great. I'm just really excited that it's going to be a man
632
01:04:58,240 --> 01:05:05,600
cooking over a fire the way God intended. Just meat and heat. Red meat. No, can you, oh,
633
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:10,560
could you grill me up a little tofu? No. I was going to say, I'd like a soy burger, please.
634
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:18,880
Nope. Cannot do that on this episode. Not today. I can make you a whiskey burger. Ooh. That's it.
635
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:26,560
That sounds weird. All right. It's just a shot. I'm in. Awesome. Well, thanks for joining us.
636
01:05:26,560 --> 01:05:29,600
And then we'll see you next week. Thanks everybody.
637
01:05:56,560 --> 01:06:07,360
Thank you for listening to this podcast generously sponsored by Modest Coffee,
638
01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:14,880
purveyors of single origin coffee without the snobbery. Visit www.modest.coffee
639
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:26,240
.com to see what they're roasting today. Enjoy.
